The power of control is unmistakable. You know it, feel it, crave it. You want to be controlled, or perhaps to control. Yet this power is also mysterious, evanescent. It’s a form of energy in constant motion and as such has no fixed shape. What do I mean? Well, control requires an interaction of opposing forces. I control; you submit. I choose to be in charge; you agree to yield. One requires the other. Each validates the other.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about one rare form of control–yielding pleasure. If you allow me to give orders or issue commands, the interaction is one of order and obey. However, if I order you to abstain from pleasure, obedience takes on many forms. Your experience of denial goes through stages. At first, perhaps there is the rush of being ordered. But then, as you come to terms with your denial, you may feel discomfort, yearning, even pain. Carrying around your denial like some sort of burden slung around your neck will weigh you down and feel a hardship. You’re waiting to be released. You can barely stand another hour until you are finally rewarded. This is no fun at all.
Unless you re-frame the denial. Stop fighting it and own it. And this is where–forgive me, boys–I think being a woman is so helpful. Women learn early on that the best way to move through difficulties is not to fight them. All of the energy you expend tightly pushing back against the unpleasantness is energy wasted. Pushing back, fighting isn’t going to help. But if you relax into that burden, relax into the difficult challenge, you are likely to discover that suffering mysteriously transforms into strength. The exertion of your challenge is a banner of honor. Your obedience is a gift. The grace with which you undertake and embrace challenges helps define qualities within you.
Hypnosis is one way to facilitate such a transition. I find that by relaxing and opening the mind, one finds greater access to change–an enhanced ability to undertake and succeed at challenges. A richer and deeper capacity to embrace one’s deepest desires. The one being controlled transforms his obedience into such a beautiful shining gift.
This is one of the lovely paradoxes that draws me to erotic hypnosis and the mysterious play of forces it inspires.