We spend so much time fighting to stay on top. Worth and value are so often measured by how much control we have over a situation. If it’s time we’re fighting, did we ‘beat the clock,’ meet our ‘dead’line, adhere to the strict parameters of a due date? If the matter is a product or assignment, a goal or challenge to be met…do we measure ourselves by how well we mastered or bested each thing? Of course we do. And it can be so exhausting, that struggle to be on top all the time. Even if we are naturally very good at it. We seem so very good at control.
I’d like to suggest, though, that we’re good at control because underneath the appearance of being on top, there is a person—perhaps you—who must struggle hard to keep that foothold, and it’s exhausting. You can be so harshly self-critical. You’re so hard on yourself. After all, if you eased up, chances are you might not meet the deadline or make it to the top tier. And then what? Your advantage might start to slip away. You might find yourself vulnerable to the control of another.
It goes like this: little spaces open up. Maybe it’s fatigue or having too much on your mind, but you neglect something (as you are bound to do), an important meeting you forgot to jot down; not correcting an error you noticed early on; letting your frustration show by accident. And that something, that flaw has a consequence—maybe large, maybe small. It is an open space that lets the air in. You are no longer the exemplar of Take Charge. You are not super-human, and really you have no choice but to accept this fact.
If you’re fortunate, chances are someone like me will be there, reaching for those open spaces where the air and the light come in. Wanting to stretch you open, and to deepen that space until you are filled, surrounded by me. You are enclosed within the tight unambiguous walls of my control. You can fight, but it’s so good to feel the tightness of the ropes, or the bonds or the walls. It’s a relief to be told what to do for a change. To let me make decisions. It’s heavenly to yield that power to me. For the rewards of surrender are feeling so intensely controlled, so free to relax in obedience. The rewards of surrender and obedience will give you intense pleasure.